Friday, October 22, 2010

I know that other people must feel this way

For so long all I wanted was to be a wife and a mother and now that I am I feel like I'm going crazy and I feel so guilty that it's not enough-This is not the happily ever after that I imagined-It's messy and I'm exhausted all the time and my husband and I hardly have any time to talk, let alone do other things, and the days are too long and the nights are too short and I'm too friendly with large cokes because they get me through the day and I feel like I'm now living in some other woman's body (this other woman doesn't exercise enough, drinks too much coke, shaves her legs very infrequently, has white hairs, bags under her eyes, crow's feet, her mother's hands, not enough patience, no idea how to get her son to go poop on the potty, can't fit into her size 8 pants, and avoids going to the pool at the gym because she doesn't want to go bathing suit shopping)-This other woman also screams at her kids, lets them watch tv, and says yes to fast food and donuts at the grocery store-She also writes in this blog while her little boy dumps all of the potato chips out of the bag onto the table and her little girl rips a page out of yet another book (at least this time it's not a library book) xo

4 comments:

Tiffany said...

I think I can relate to everything you just said! Everyday I think about how I have become the mother I never wanted to be. The funny thing about your blog is that when i speak to other people about my problems i use you as my example of the kind of mother I would like to be. You may not think so but compared to EVERYONE I know you are a god among mothers :) I am not the mother i wish I was so I try to strive to become more understanding mother. Just know that to most of us...you are mom of the year!

heatheronawire said...

I second everything that Tiffany said, and want to add that you are an amazing woman...aside from being a mother and a wife. That's still not what defines you. You being you is the best you you can be (or something like that). xoxo.

Melissa said...

Well said. I totally know what you mean. Just replace the "large cokes" with "coffee and candy bars", the "doesn't want to go bathing suit shopping" with "went bathing suit shopping and ended up crying in the dressing room" and you've writtend my story. I never imagined the depth of guilt that comes with being a Mom. But we're all doing the best we can and as long as we try to be patient, understanding and loving at least some of the time, we should give ourselves a break. And it's OK to recognize the part of our identity that isn't a mom or wife - that only makes us better women, and in turn, better moms and wives.

Christine said...

i have been going through this alot lately! needing something more but don't know what it is! have you been reading my mind? :-)